Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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