I just pynch a tree in the face
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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