Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
