i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
