Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
