ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
