I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
