new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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