a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
