you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
