I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
