can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
