so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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