this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
