Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
