Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize