she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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