yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
