oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
