My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
