They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
