I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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