He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
