I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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