i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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