i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
