checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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