I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
