If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
