My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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