So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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