Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
