Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
