Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
