Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize