What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
