Can Purell be used as lube?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
