so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
