she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You need a sexual gate keeper
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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