Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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