For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize