I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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