I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Houston, we have a squirter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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