It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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