when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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