I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
