my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
