a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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