I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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