But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
