Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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