check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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