erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
