That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
