I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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