I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
