i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
