turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
