i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
