I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
