how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
