Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
