If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She even gives head with a lisp.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
