I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
