I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
