He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just cropdusted the office
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
