Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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