WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
