he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize