Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
