when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
