can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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