No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
