I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
