so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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