You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
