Porn is love you can see.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
