So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
