she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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