Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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