PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
