I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
