you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
