Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize