also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
