I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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