Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
