Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You smell like stripper and shame
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The power of my boobs compel you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
