just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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