your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
