So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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