All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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