Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
