I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
