life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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