Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
