Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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