i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
