Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize