i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
