All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
