got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
