There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
