When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
