know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
